the unknowable transforming point 151/ 155

433 little poems
fictive autobiographical gazing
through the piano looking glass

Black car tailing me

Sun splitting shine in through the tall wall windows
back to green room
peering face at the outside
ear spilt sound
and of course it was layered
with the physical sensation of gripping pains
womb pains
look
the black car tailing me
good job I could miss the stop
and climb over the cigarettes
mint and lately addicted
calm calm me down please
to scale and carry on at all
it’s a freeing thought
that
and note after note
reading the leader
and following the score
of what to do next
now
this is what you don’t do

Dark chocolate better than lunch

Left to go shopping choosing pianos
and tongue in my head
tongue in my mind
to speak to no one
lindt chocolate to be delivered
too dark
dark chocolate better than lunch
begin again at bar 53
then crescendo a little slower
ah ah yes
savouring sweetness
and thinking about the man she adored
pensively twirling at the little curl
that fell on her forehead
for the time she visited him
in his hotel room
horror freudian slip
and slippers of silk
buttons and fast action
appassionata first movement glow
and the piano
withstanding the surprise
slight detuned
factory default
and stripes black
and shiny hair combed back
and glisten to the little fast notes
that gathered rainbow

Milky woods

Outside the snow pelting
and miserable figurines slish sloshing
unwind the fast forward
fast car backed up the hill
and underground roared in the theatre
as the play unfolded
milky wood and morgans
with best attempts at alien accents
from participating actors and esses

That smile

Back there no incinerators eco ficfic
then all for the taking
postman and angry animal bete noir
and all there was to remind the man at the door with keys
was that smile
you could not 4’33”
all in
an old orchestra
bus upnorthwards
with languishing long looks at mountains

This deconstruction

Kid screaming in a garden at 5 thirty five
light grey sky and foolish abandon
cd player just switched off the listz
and winking different coloured lights at the walls
black canvas thick paint and vinyl landy title
what about destroying things
it all went back to a bad hospital medic experience
it remained vivid
and the outfall was in the need to quietly undo things
art works
possessions
this deconstruction
eventually lead to the point of illumination
destroyed doll in boredom anger frustration
cloth doll
not fear of doll
not fear of dolls
fear of dolls passed down next generation
cry at cry baby doll
screamed for multiples of minutes
back in the box for never to be played with again
ended up in landfill
only then we didn’t know that
she screamed with fright
tearing a corner of special nocturnes
gracefully the piano dim
piano forty four thirty whatever
was all about that silence

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